Cant you see I'm dreaming?

Ash and smoke

 I am tired of being lied to and I need to carry a gun to keep myself safe nowa days. I am insulted by the way people look at me.

 Laughing, playing hard, dizzy spells. I have lost my joy.

 There were embers because I burned up inside. Ash and smoke are all that lives here now. Nothing. A wind would blow me away, and I wonder who would miss me when I was gone. 

 Im tired.

 Thinking of ways to dig myself out of this pit before it is too late. There are beings that depend on my sweat and strength to survive. I don't allow them to survive though. I gap the path from survival to living. Full, bright and happy.   

 Maybe I live through the life in them.

 Defeated is a word that dances in my head, trying to penetrate the me that is me. 

 I will rise above the ashes. I am not sure yet how or when. 

 Defeat is the word I will use to describe how I won over the fires inside that did this too me. 

 Then they will call me phoenix.